The Hidden Reason You Are Still Charting Late At Night

Several years ago, when I was still bringing work home to finish in the evenings and on the weekends, I was miserable. I still remember vividly there was a colleague who would always leave before 5 pm. I would watch as he walked past my office, saying bye in a flash. I could not understand how he could leave so “early”. He had just about the same number of patients as I did. Then the chain of thoughts started. “I wish I could go home by 5 pm with all my work done.” “What is wrong with me that I am so slow?” “Why can’t I be like him?” “I am such a loser.”

Those were very powerful thoughts. I felt down. Way down. Defeated. Hopeless, because I was convinced there was no way I could work as efficiently as he was. That “I am a loser” idea turned into “I cannot do anything right”, “I am good for nothing”, and “I am not worthy”. More ideas and beliefs came up and I felt more hopeless than ever.

Has something like this happened to you? It starts with one thing. You have an opinion about it. Before you know it, it spirals to a global generalization that no matter what you do, it is not going to be good, or you are a loser.

It is easy to beat ourselves up if we do not recognize that is what we are doing.  It is easy to generalize from one thing to everything because our brain likes to group things together. We regularly criticize and blame ourselves for things that did not go the way we wanted. We are often the last people to be kind to ourselves. Beating ourselves up not only puts us to punishing ourselves for things we may or may not be responsible for, it also stops us from moving forward to do something about the situation.

It is important for us to recognize when we are being harsh to ourselves and beating ourselves up. Explore what is the main idea or thought that is causing you to punish yourself. When you are having that thought or belief, how do you feel? Besides paying attention to how you feel, reflect on what actions you are taking when you feel this way.

Going back to my situation from several years ago. What caused me to beat myself up was “I cannot be as efficient as my colleague and leave work by 5 pm”. That was powerful enough to let myself feel defeated and hopeless. Those feelings haunted me. It was difficult to concentrate to actually do my work. There was little motivation to even try to find ways to be faster. The slower I was, the more I beat myself up, the more I was living my own belief. The result? I was not as efficient as my colleague and was not able to leave work by 5 pm.

How do we interrupt this cycle of beating ourselves up? After recognizing and acknowledging that is what we are doing, and what the main thought is that started it, be kind to ourselves. Take a pause and do not beat yourself up because you are beating yourself up about something. Allow yourself to process your emotions, without judgment. Give yourself permission to experience all kinds of feelings, pleasant and unpleasant ones. Know that what you are feeling is a result of what you are thinking.

If what you are doing is not getting the results you want, remind yourself that you are just not there yet. We do not have to generalize something to everything. Be curious and explore other ways to do the same thing. Whatever the situation you are in that you are beating yourself up on, use that as a learning opportunity. Learn about the situation and about yourself. To live is to grow everything. Use every opportunity to learn and grow. We may not get what we want overnight. We get to choose to take the first step toward where we want. Of course, believing in ourselves that we will get there is as important, if not more important, than taking the actual first action.

Accept that everyone is different. We all work in different ways. We all have different journeys. No one is perfect and that is okay. Always focusing on growing, making progress rather than being perfect. Always be kind and have the same compassion for yourself as you have for others. The faster we stop beating ourselves up and decide to learn and grow, the faster you will change your situation and reality. I eventually did. I stopped beating myself up and actively found ways to be more efficient. I did it – so can you. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to learn and grow with imperfection.