Meaningful Connection

It is always fun to prepare the new year with a little word game. Just browse social media and you will see someone’s post with a picture of random letters for you to find the first four words for the new year. For 2026, the first four words which I found were: change, breakthrough, miracles and connection.

Today, I would like to share my thoughts about connection. We human beings are not meant to live alone. Living or spending time with someone else does not mean that you two are connected.

When I hear the word “connection”, the image of many people holding hands and forming a long line comes to mind. Connection is more than superficial conversations. The beauty of this world is that everyone is unique. We get to connect with different people in different ways.

In my world, which is constantly growing as I see more and experience more, connection is an essential part of my life. It is certainly vital for patient care. Even though I connect with patients and my friends and family differently, that does not mean I carry different values to do it.

There are several things I learned over the years about patient connection, and I am still learning more every day. I think that is an interesting part of life – learning never stops unless you choose to stop it.

There is always time to connect, do not rush it. It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking “there is no time” as physicians. “I have no time to eat, to sleep or even to use the bathroom.” That was me, not that long ago. When you think that there is no time, you feel rushed, constricted and probably frustrated. You will not have the mental capacity to be open to connect with anyone in a meaningful way. Patients usually can sense it. I have heard patients share that their doctors are just rushing in and out of the room, no eye contact, and they are not going back.

When you believe that there is time to connect, your mind eases up. You open yourself up for new relationships. Your hand is there for the other person to take. As you open the door and see the patient, your eyes will show the welcome. Yes, if you are wearing a facemask, patients can still see and feel your facial expression. Establish eye contact and smile to let your patients know that you are here to take care of them.

You do not need to spend a lot of time to establish a meaningful connection. Always be curious, open-minded and do not judge. Even though you have standards to go by, and some patients are doing the exact opposite, it is not necessary to judge them or their character. Rather, focus on the action itself, if that is something to change for better health. For example, smoking. As an oncologist, I always ask my patients about smoking. If a patient is smoking a pack a day, I would ask if it is possible to cut down and smoke two less cigarettes a day. Most every patient knows that smoking is hazardous to health. Patients are more receptive to discussing smoking cessation when they sense there is no judgement of their actions. Patients tend to share more about what they are really concerned about when there is no judgement.

Sometimes it is one gesture or one sentence that you establish that deeper level of connection. When you are in the patient’s room, focus on the patient. Bring your mind back if you start to wander. When you are only focused on your patient, you get more details from the patient – both spoken and unspoken cues. You are more efficient because you make better connections and you get to know what the patient wants faster.

Connect over time and pay attention to details. No, you do not need hours at a time to connect with a patient. Sure, there are situations you will want to spend more time with a patient, such as when you are breaking bad news or having an end-of-life discussion. Over time, the doctor-patient relationship builds up and gets stronger. I enjoy seeing patients I have known for more than ten years. Over time, I know about their habits, their routines and for some, I have even met most of their family members.

Connection is a wonderful gift. There is always time to connect, even as busy physicians. Do not feel rushed while minding your time. Focus when you make the connection, and connect from your heart. Connection does not ruin your efficiency; on the contrary, it enhances your efficiency. Human connection is mysterious and meaningful, and you get to decide how you want to connect with others.