How Worrying About Others’ Opinions Is Draining Physicians

During our coaching session, Dr. K was sharing with me that she thought she could finish the patient parts on her administrative day. Instead, she was not exactly sure what she did. As a physician in a leadership role, Dr. K has scheduled meetings. She also handles complaints from patients. When a patient files a complaint about the practice, she receives the complaint and there are some standard questions to answer electronically. While it probably would take about ten minutes to complete the questionnaire, Dr. K would spend about thirty minutes. She shared with me that she was spending extra time thinking about what to write because she did not know what the patient would think. For many of those complaints, no one did anything wrong. For example, a sooner appointment was not possible because of a short-staff situation, and it did not affect the patient medically.

Dr. K is worried about what others think of her, so much so that it has become the center of her focus. That includes writing patient charts, answering phone calls, meetings – pretty much everything. She is living by what she perceives as other people’s opinions of her, rather than her own opinion about herself. That costs her to doubt herself, to question if she did something correctly, and to spend extra time going back and forth to think if she is missing something.

It is important to acknowledge other people’s opinions, but it is not helpful to use them as your own standards. First of all, you cannot be 100% sure what others are actually thinking. What they say may not be what they really think. When they do not say it, all you can do is guess.

When you find yourself wondering what others think of you or your actions at work, acknowledge it. It is natural to seek approval from others. We want to belong, and we want to feel that way. At the same time, we do not have to use others’ opinions as our standards and lose ourselves. Value your own standards and beliefs. Be clear on what your own values are.

After you acknowledge that you are seeking others’ opinions, be specific about it. For example, you are wondering if the patient is thinking that you are not handling the appointment booking situation well. When you are specific about a situation, you focus less about what the other person is thinking of you as a person in general.

Be curious and question the other person’s opinion – is it true? How is it different from your own opinion about the same situation? Your own opinion is based on your core values.

Control what you can control. Examine the situation as objectively as possible. There are things you can control and things you cannot control. One thing you cannot control is how other people are thinking of you or your actions. For whatever you cannot control, let it be. Let the person think whatever they want to think. Their opinions do not have to affect your actions, unless you let them.

Practice to respect yourself more. Be kind to yourself. The most important opinion about you is your own opinion. Allow yourself to be you.

When you find yourself placing someone else’s opinion before your own, be loving and kind. If you are stuck and not sure how to dial down the volume of others’ opinions, pause. Take a break. Talk to someone about it. Trust in yourself. You are doing the best that you can, given the circumstances and resources. You are upholding your values. When you can focus and do things according to your own opinion and values, you get to move forward instead with more certainty.