Hope Is the First Step Toward Reclaiming Your Life in Medicine

There were many days and nights I was just going through the motions. Instead of enjoying the connection with patients, all I could think of was when my work day would be over. It seemed never ending. I did my best to take care of my patients, only to get extra hours of charting and administrative duties after hours. Sleeping was the time for me not to think about work – the only time of the day. For a long time, I believed that was it. To be a full-time physician, working in the area I live, that way of working was the norm, and I had to accept it, even though I had no life. Joy was a luxurious word to be associated with me.

If I did not change my job, how could I change the situation? It seemed hopeless. I saw no way out. I attempted different ways to be more efficient, to leave work sooner. Somehow, one thing or another, I always ended up with an extra three to four hours of work each day.

I had enough and I felt stuck. Nothing seemed to be working. Even though I enjoyed helping others through caring for their illnesses, I did not sign up to have no life. I did not devote myself to being drained and to be running dry. Everything seemed to be so dark, so dry and so gloomy. The hope that things would be better was fading away, on the verge of completely leaving me behind.

Then something changed. The pandemic gave me a taste of going home on time as I was seeing less patients. What if it was possible to leave work on time even when I was seeing the same number of patients as before?

That question sparked some hope in me. With that hope, I started to explore the possibility. By exploring, I meant imagining what it would be like to leave work by 5:30 pm. I started to focus on what I wanted, what my goal was, instead of just putting out fires.

No matter how dire the situation is, there is always hope. You get to choose hope. For cancer patients, the hope may be for a cure, or for comfort, or for living longer. For clinical physicians, the hope may be to leave work on time, to spend time with the family, or to do something they enjoy doing outside of medicine. It is important to tie your hope with your purpose or goal. Having a goal is to give yourself a direction of where to go. Hope is to believe that it is possible to achieve that goal.

The clearer you are on what your goal is, the better you can motivate yourself with hope. You also allow yourself more time and energy to spend on hoping. Without a defined goal, it is difficult to have a relevant hope, and the hope will quickly dissipate in face of adversities.

The more time we spend on hoping to get to our goal, the more likely we will make that our reality. Hope to achieve a goal is the first step. It is important to realize that something has to change to achieve your goal – otherwise you would have achieved it already. In other words, after having a clear driver, hope, to motivate you to achieve your goal, the next step is to take action to achieve it.

Do not let your past define who you are. If you were stuck in the past, it does not mean that you would be stuck forever. If you were working an extra few hours after seeing your last patient, that does not mean you will do that for as long as you are seeing the same number of patients. You cannot go back to change your past, but you can use your past to teach you. Yes, the past is a series of events that happened. The past is also the story you tell yourself. When you feel stuck, you see your past as proof that it is impossible to get to your goal. Or you can choose to use your past as your teacher. Your past is what you reflect on. Your past shows you what worked and what did not work, and you learn from it.

As I defined my goal as to take good care of the patients and to leave work on time, I allowed myself to have hope that it was possible for me. The more time I spent imagining and hoping, the more I was willing to try different things to make it happen. Sometimes, when you feel stuck, when you have tried “everything” you can think of, it is best to ask for help. Ask someone who has done it before. People who have experienced what you are going through, and have successfully achieved their goal, are examples of what is possible. That was what I did. At times it felt impossible. There were setbacks. Hope toward my goal was there to remind me, especially during the difficult times, that it was possible to get to where I wanted to be. Until one day, I did it. And I started to do it consistently – going home by 5:30 pm. Now I leave work by 5 pm, and not bring home anything to do.

Hope is powerful. Hope allows you to envision your goal, to see what is possible. Hope drives you toward your goal despite discomfort and challenges. Without hope, you are not motivated to take any action. Your life becomes mundane and meaningless. Choose hope, even though you do not see how you are going to achieve your goal just yet.