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Control What We Can Control

Jul 28, 2022

Results of a CT scan came to my in-basket on the electronic medical record. Overall, the body scan was stable, except for an enlarging nodule. I picked up the phone and called my patient. Let’s call her Carol.

I could feel Carol’s trembling voice. She knew why I was calling her.

Carol has a history of colon cancer. She underwent surgery and completed chemotherapy less than 2 years ago.

 I started off the conversation with telling her that the CT scan results were back. With the best calming voice in me, I started to review and discuss the details of the report, including the new finding.

“What does this mean? Am I going to die from this?” Carol asked anxiously.

The image of her face with her frowning shaped eyebrows, her worried round eyes, her pursed lips and thin stature – was floating in front of me, as if I was talking to her in person.

“Carol, we are all going to die at some point, and I don’t think you are dying from this.”

It was still unsettling for her.

“What do I do now?” She felt stuck. She felt lost. This was not the news she was expecting to hear.

“Let’s find out what it is that we are dealing with. I have already spoken to the special radiologist, and the growing spot can be biopsied. Let’s do that first.”

“What if the cancer is back? What do I do?”

“We don’t know what it is just yet. By thinking about it is not going to change the outcome. Instead of only thinking that the worst would happen, how about we explore other possibilities? Is it possible that the growing spot is not cancerous? Even though we have no control of what the outcome is, we can choose how to think about it.”

Thinking it as the worse possible outcome is a default way of thinking. Our survival brain wants to keep us safe from danger. Flight or fight. In the modern world, in this situation, thinking of the most dreadful result makes Carol feel anxious. When she feels anxious, she feels stuck and does not know what to do with herself.

What if it is not the most terrible outcome? Is it possible to let our mind be curious about other potential scenarios?

This was exactly what I invited Carol to think. I discussed with her that we would control what we could control. Even then so, unexpected things could still happen. For things we could not control, we would face them as they come.

It is not necessary to know how to deal with certain things ahead of time. This does not mean that we are not prepared. It is okay to be flexible in our mind and be open to unexpected possibilities in life.

It is more important to trust ourselves that we can do hard things. For Carol, I encouraged her that the rest of the CT scan was clean. She has the ability to do hard things, and she is not alone in this journey. Rather than feeling anxious and stuck, I motivated Carol to be curious about other ways to think of her situation.

Carol has the full ability to think of her situation differently, which leads to less anxiety. The more she explores her thoughts, the easier they come. We don’t always know the answers or the results of certain events. One thing for sure is that we all have the capability of choosing and managing our minds. This may be rusty at first, and with more practice, it will come naturally.

Are you ready to stop feeling stressed and overwhelmed? Are you ready to have more time to do what you want?

 

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